NFL Uncategorized

The 2016 NFL All-Disappointment Team

With the release of the All-Pro teams recently, we got a look at the best of the best that the NFL had to offer this season (or who the generally uninformed voters voted for). While that’s great and everything, let’s not forget about the players who looked like complete garbage this season. To qualify, these players must have: not been injured for majority of the season (note: the bullshit of a player who says that they were actually “hurt” all year after week 17 does not count), had generally high expectations entering the season, and is not a rookie. Here are the disappointments on the offensive side of the ball.

QB-Cam Newton, Carolina Panthers
The NFL’s reigning MVP looked like shit this season. Newton put up only 19 passing touchdowns to go with 14 interceptions, and a paltry 53% completion percentage. This was all en route to a 6 and 10 season for the Super Bowl runner-ups. In my professional (loose term) opinion, Cam looked like he checked out in week 8, and just started throwing deep balls up for grabs. It’s also worth noting that his favorite receiver, Kelvin Benjamin, returned after missing all of last season with a torn ACL. Seriously, the last time a QB followed up a great season with such a stinker was probably Daunte Culpepper in 2005, but at least he had the love boat 1.0 excuse. No such excuse exists for Mr. Newton.

RB-Todd Gurley, Los Angeles Rams
I feel a little bad putting Gurley on this list since his entire offensive line was complete muffcabbage, but I have to do it. This one is personal for me since I traded Melvin Gordon for Todd Gurley in my fantasy league in week 2. Gordon had a great year for the cross town rival Chargers, while Gurley managed only 6 touchdowns and a 3.2 yards per carry average. I felt like how Ryan Grigson probably felt when he made the glorious trade for Trent Richardson. I was in denial, and tried to defend it. So maybe I shouldn’t feel so bad for including Gurley here. After all, a shitty O-line is hardly an excuse.

RB-Doug Martin, Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Martin barely qualifies for this list since he was injured most of the year. But still, when he played, he was terrible, and was outperformed by journeyman and NFL Name Hall of Famer Jacquizz Rodgers. 2.9 yards per carry. I leave it with that

WR-DeAndre Hopkins, Houston Texans
Yeah, I know he was playing with Cowboy Brock and Tom Savage. But who the hell was throwing passes to DeAndre before that? Brian Hoyer and Ryan Fitzpatrick. And he still put up big numbers with those turds under center. So I don’t wanna hear any of these excuses. DeAndre Hopkins sucked, and was regulated to possession receiver status this past season.

WR-Tavon Austin, Los Angeles Rams
Tavon Austin is a lousy, gimmicky, sorry excuse for a slot receiver. The 8th pick of the 2013 draft was supposed to be everything you would want in a slot receiver. He was extremely fast, polished, and short. A black and athletic Cole Beasley, if you will. He has been anything but that in his short career, however. Austin is one of those guys that a coach has to force into a game plan. He’s like a shittier version of Percy Harvin when he played for the Seahawks. The worst part is that he was handed a freakin’ extension this past off-season, and he had the audacity to think that he was worth Julio Jones money. He’s not even worth Taylor Gabriel money.

TE-Coby Fleener, New Orleans Saints
I’m not so sure that Coby Fleener is not a former high school women’s volleyball player that was pumped with testosterone by his dad in order to become a football player. Fleener has the size and athleticism to be a great tight end, and the Saints handed him a generous contract thinking that they could get that out of him. That clearly didn’t happen, and Fleener began losing snaps to Josh Hill. So much for all that preseason hype about him.

OT-Ereck Flowers, New York Giants
OT-Kelvin Beachum, Jacksonville Jaguars
OG-Xavier Su’a-Filo, Houston Texans
OG-Laken Tomlinson, Detroit Lions
C-Jason Kelce, Philadelphia Eagles

I may or may not have violated the Football Rules of Journalistic Integrity on this one by looking at Pro Football Focus. But Ereck Flowers was a turnstile for the Giants, Kelvin Beachum was almost as bad as Luke Joeckel, Xavier Su’a-Filo was drafted ahead of Derek Carr (and is still defended by Bill O’Brien), Laken Tomlinson was a first round pick by Detroit in 2015, and Jason Kelce is officially living in his brother’s shadow.

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