Toy Story-the movie that made Pixar a household name and indirectly made the iPhone possible. Toy Story is a classic, and its power still holds true today as the fourth sequel is set to hit theaters in a few years. But as with any movie I watch, I couldn’t help but come away with some cynical thoughts.
Woody and Bo Peep Were Fucking
As you should know, Woody meets his Mrs. In Toy Story 2, but it’s clear that he and Bo Peep had some serious sexual tension in the original film. While not shown explicitly on screen, it’s implied that Woody and Bo Peep had dirty toy sex on the reg. This is no more evident than in the last scene where Bo Peep lures Woody in with her sheep-wrangling-thing. Maybe if Disney and Pixar ever come out with the unrated version of Toy Story, then we’ll get to see that hot action.
Sid is Either Dead or in Prison
Sid was a fucked up kid. This little sociopath took pleasure in blowing up and disfiguring toys. The kid had no sense of empathy and would go so far as to cut the heads off of the dolls that belonged to his kind-hearted little sister. Seriously, how depressing was it watching that tea party with a bunch of decapitated dolls? Clearly Sid was a monster. Even more disturbing was a scene in Sid’s room where a copy of the United States Army Interrogation Field Manual was present in the milk crate with Woody. Sid, who would be in his late 20s today, likely upgraded from torturing toys to small animals, and probably people. I can’t think of any scenario where Sid got his life together, and I have to imagine that he became a full blown heroin addict and overdosed; or he ruthlessly began torturing and murdering actual people—horrifying killer laugh and all, and is somewhere in the Toy Story World sitting in a maximum security prison cell on death row.
Andy’s Dad was a Deadbeat Father
It is quite obvious throughout the film that Andy is being raised by a single mom. We never see Andy’s dad, and it’s obvious that he’s not in the household since we don’t see him in the Christmas scene. You can’t help but feel a little bad for the kid. The second question becomes though is whether or not Andy and his little sister Molly have the same father? Clearly, Andy’s mom gets around, and is seemingly living off of a nice amount of child support.
Mr. Potato Head is a Dick
Mr. Potato Head wanted Woody dead. He couldn’t even appreciate the fact that Andy loved Woody and just wanted to find him. Mr. Potato Head is a cold-blooded piece of shit who refused to save Woody from Sid’s toy concentration camp, and pushed Woody off of the back of a moving truck. I don’t know how Mr. Potato Head made it to the 2nd and 3rd movies anyway. Everyone had a Mr. Potato Head toy as a kid and grew tired of it. Andy should’ve thrown the little fucker out long before Buzz came in to the equation, but held on to him for some reason. Either way, don’t be surprised if Woody gets his revenge on the potato in the 4th film.
Sorry to ruin your childhood.